I’m sitting on my bed at 12:41AM on a Friday night, and I keep hearing vibrations from my roomate’s phone going off. They were likely messages from a guy she just started talking to. Or two. Or five. Who knows. But what I do know is that she could have anyone she wants at the drop of a hat.
She claims that she doesn’t believe she’s beautiful. But i’m not buying that bullshit. She knows. She has to know. Her bright blue eyes could make jaws drop.I’ve seen it happen. She’s a skinny dancer with a perfect body and the freedom to eat whatever she wanted. And she’s one of those ‘I’ve got to make her mine’ kind of girls. The kind of girl you meet and you HAVE to be with. So guys start concocting their plans from the moment they meet her on how they’re going to get her to be with them.
buzz buzz, buzz buzz
I once believed I was one of those girls. But I am nothing like that. Guys look at me and they see a good time. They see what’s in my panties. They see a friend. They see someone to count on. They see someone to take advantage of. They see pretty. But she’d be beautiful without the extra X amount of pounds. They see. They don’t actually ever look.
When I’m alone, I spend my time lifting my shirt and looking at myself in the mirror. I’m constantly completely disgusted. Why am I like this? Why is it so hard to change it? Why can’t I have it as easy as other girls do? It’s not fair.
buzz buzz, buzz buzz, buzz buzz
It’s not. Nothing is. But I’ve decided. I want to be that girl. I want to be healthy. I want to be happy. I want to be proud and unashamed and liberated. And a selfish part of me really wants to be that girl that you just HAVE to have. I’m doing it. 40 pounds or bust.